Many young people struggle with not tolerating experiencing negative emotions that could seemingly hinder their performance. Their aim is to always remain calm and focused, interpreting any deviation from this as a lack of self-confidence. One athlete told me, “Before that phase of the competition, I felt terrified.” When I asked what the problem was, the response was that they should have felt that way if they were truly confident in themselves.
No one explains to these young people that feeling anxious is a rather normal condition before a test, and that this state of mind is not a manifestation of insecurity but could be many other things. But who should educate them about emotions? Should it be the teachers at school or the parents, who themselves hold the same beliefs as the kids?
What to do? Perhaps hope that these young people are smarter than their fears and discover that they can perform well even if they felt terrified before. This might happen because they’ve realized that everyone feels anxious before doing something important, so it’s not a malfunction but a condition shared by all.
Once they reach this awareness, they might think, “If this state of mind doesn’t differentiate people, then I should focus on what I need to do well and commit myself to staying focused on the task at hand.” Not everyone will easily achieve this, and it requires total dedication, but everyone can at least recognize that it’s not fears that distinguish people but how they react to these states of mind.
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