More and more often I am asked how to handle the difficult situation in which you find yourself being the coach of your son.
In professional football is hardly ever done, although over the years we can find some football stars like by Cesare Maldini who coached is son Paolo or De Rossi father who coached his son in Rome youth team. In the world of the football school (5-12 years old) by choice or not, it happens that often fathers coach their sons. Sometimes they are driven by an inevitable logistic choice and sometimes this choice is not just random. I would not demonize the situation, but I invite the fathers to think about this situation: ”Why am I to coach my son? Is it really a coincidence or in my thoughts there was a desire to make sure that he is followed in the right way. Do I want to have the control of him at home and outside? Do I believe that there are not others? Noboby will be able to train him as well as I am able.
I know it can happen and that it is a conscious choice or not I think is important to do some basic steps.
The first step is to reflect on the necessity of choice: is it really so inevitable? Once you have decided to go ahead it is important to have the ability to look inside and figure out which of these categories you belong inevitable:
- Avoidance: to avoid incurring the criticism of nepotism that inevitably affecting their child label of “recommended”. You treat him worse than all the others: the fault is often its less encouragement (maybe then I’ll tell at home) and less attention.
- Too demanding: demanding-father risks to challenge too much his son, never being satisfied with what this child does.
- Feel-good: let go and end up justifying behavior becoming permissive at regards of those behaviors and habits that are wrongs.
Each coach-dad is unlikely to reach the right position within his dual role, but he should work to stay as close as possible to the ideal situation in which his child is a member of the team like everyone else, he will have qualities to improve, mistakes to correct and many things to learn as his teammates. It will be visible the potential to express but also the limits to overcome or inevitably to accept.
Finally I leave all the dads in search of the Champion, who does not ask if the real desire of their child is staying on a football field, with an invitation to reflect on a passage of the famous biography by Andre Agassi:
“I have seven years old and I’m talking to myself because I’m afraid and because I am the only one who listen to me. Whisper softly: Forget it, Andre, surrender. Laying the racket and exit immediately from this field. Would not it be wonderful, Andre? Just let it go? Do not play tennis again? But I cannot. Not only my father run behind me throughout the house brandishing my racket, but something in my gut, a deep invisible muscle prevents me. I hate tennis, I hate it with all my heart, and yet I continue to play, I continue to dribble all morning, all afternoon, because I have no choice.“
(by Daniela Sepio)
