The past week I met the various faces of youth football: coaches, managers and parents.
What I often notice is the desire of each of these categories to act out of their responsibilities, preferring to misrepresent the other roles, avoiding reflection on themselves and on their ability to change.
Parents, coaches and managers are blaming each other in a game with no winners.
I am very impressed that most of the talks turn into destructive criticism most often taken to hide the responsibilities, rather than to suggest healthy changes.
Constructive critic is a complex skill that includes empathy, communication skills, willingness to listen, managing their emotions and motivation to change. They are skills needed in sports and education to: express thoughts and ideas, identify the feelings, define and respect the individual and other limits, communicate and listen.
The role of educators toward the children implies the ability to assess and intervene on the mistakes made by others but also, and above all, to be able to highlight and corrects their own mistakes.
Constructive criticism, properly used, is used to improve performance, relationships, and, in general, the sense of efficacy of the various actors in the field for the education of children.
Make constructive critic means to understand the reality starting from own knowledge, listening carefully people and facts, accepting contradictory, trying to reach an assessment oriented to the good of the child. One of the deeper reasons for the conflict is not being able to make or accept critics. It is important to learn that our values and our personal opinions are not in danger when they are disputed but rather often reinforce.
How can we recognize a destructive criticism by a constructive critic?
The destructive criticism:
- It is addressed to the person, which is labeled negatively
- It is inaccurate
- Aims to blame the person
- Tends to close the dialog
The constructive critic:
- It’s addressed to the performance or behavior of the person.
- It’s given the opportunity to understand what are the behaviors to change
- It’s specific and provides tips
- It’s oriented to improve the performance and behavior
- Maintains open dialogue and conveys confidence
“We should make a long conscience examination before thinking to criticize others” (Molière)
(by Daniela Sepio)
