We don’t know how to teach resiliency at young generation

How is it possible that, despite knowing from research how one becomes

a resilient person, today’s adults still struggle

to teach it to their children and students, both in school and in sports?

Knowing is not the same as knowing how to do

Knowing in theory how to become resilient (e.g., facing difficulties, learning from mistakes, developing a growth mindset…) does not mean knowing how to put it into practice. Resilience is built in everyday life, with consistency and patience. And that is much harder than understanding it from a book.

Adults’ emotional baggage

Many adults never received emotional or resilience education when they were children. If you haven’t made peace with your own vulnerabilities, your own failures, and setbacks, it will be hard to teach a young person that it’s okay to make mistakes and that challenges can be faced.

Performance-driven culture

We live in a society that rewards results, performance, and efficiency. This creates a context where mistakes are seen as weaknesses, not opportunities. Parents, teachers, and coaches risk unintentionally transmitting performance anxiety more than resilience.

Inconsistent communication

Sometimes the right things are said, but the wrong actions are taken: a parent may say “what matters is taking part,” but then get angry if their child loses a competition. Or a teacher might say “mistakes are part of the learning process” but then harshly penalize errors in assignments. Children learn more from what they see than from what they hear.

Lack of time and listening

Educating for resilience requires listening, patience, and time. In a fast-paced and stressful society, many adults struggle to find the mental and emotional space needed to build a deep educational relationship.

Lack of practical training

Even when the willingness is there, practical training for teaching resilience is often missing: it’s not enough to say “you have to be strong.” Tools, games, conversations, examples, and experiences are needed. Not all educators and coaches have access to these or know how to use them.