We know that in Italy football is played mainly by males, so it’s obviously more frequent that I find to talk with mothers of sons. These moms are often accused to have too intense relations with them that seem to be the cause of any problem. “You should leave him more free” is the phrase more often repeated to the mothers, this is like for a mother to hear: “You love him too much.” Mothers love too much? Today how to be as a mother to grow the best son to cope with the future?
To think at the mothers as the cause of every problem is an hasty and superficial point of view that judges without to support. The mothers need help and not just a critical assessment. This is why I decided to talk to the many mothers of the players to give practical support and not judgments.
Raising a son means to discuss about the study, dose the playstation, cry to replace room or be to say “this house is not a hotel,” but raising a male child also means supporting every day with the difficult task of being able to find the right response at the right time, without sounding hasty or worse petulant. Sometimes even the most loving parent can be inconvenient because only the experience over time will help you to understand how he is a male child. The words chosen to educate mark the road as a mother you have decided to take.
Here are some things you should know:
- You cannot provide the precise vocabulary to say what is best with a male child, but it is certainly important to know that a male is more sensitive to the phrases insisting on what he did, rather than what he is. Tell that he is good, lovely or wonderful makes him happy but if you talk about the one thing he has done, an event that proved to be up he will understand even more your speech. Inevitably, they are more likely to understand the claims about what they did rather than on what they are.
- It is important to remember that every guy has always a real picture of himself and if a mother will tend not to see the problems of the child, he probably will emphasize them. For this reason it is important to make comments enabling a real vision of himself. If he play well and win a game it will be better to say “You must be proud of you” rather than “I’m proud of you.”
- A boy is a powder keg of emotions ready to explode and blow it up it can often be even one tiny spark. Lock the explosion is not easy and it is certainly good to know that there arenot the long speeches to extinguish the fuse, but, even more than with a daughter, you have to be careful not to criticize the behavior automatically. The males are sensitive to criticism, but also to the support that it’s provided.
- The boys are more aggressive both in behaviors and the emotions, for this reason it’s often the mom critics a are perceived as an aggression instead as positive advices.
- A boy waits for his mother understands his feelings and he will express them more often with behaviors rather than words.
- A guy accept more often the demands of the mother if she will avoid too global speeches, and showing practically what to do and how to act in the face of the situations.
To conclude at the mothers I want to say:
- Male expresses them more physically than verbally. For this reason, very often the disciplinary problems and the lack of attention depend on just the limited physical activity, which it does not allow to spend an adequate level of energy . This explains why the decision to ban the sport to remedy the school shortcomings does not make the situation better, creating a vicious cycle in which the punishment feeds the behavior punished.
(by Daniela Sepio)
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